Apr 17

If you stay sober people will find things about your personality that they don’t like and accuse you of not wanting to stay sober. I suddenly find myself not wanting to be with someone yet they will not want to be with me based upon the fact that I have emotional issues. Who knows if I really even want to be with this person because my lust for them may only be superficial. So I guess I don’t have to get faded because of my anger towards someone.

There are many people that are better than I. Whatever it is about me that makes me so special I do not know. However there are people that fit the description so I will not complain much more.

I’m not sure I will ever know what it is like to fail a class. That is the feeling that I get although I’m not so sure that in my past I have failed on occasion. There is always that remote possibility that I might just find something that will be a revelation for me.

Apr 16

Sometimes I just feel oh so good and then I realize that it is like a high. This thing is temporary and again I will have to live life within the boundaries that I have created.

Right now I think that the best thing that I ever did was try and kill myself. If I could only find a way to examine why I am thinking this way and get to the bottom of determining if this is a good thing or a bad thing then I will be fine. Because I have a son things are much different now then they ever used to be. Finding a solution to my problems is not going to be easy although the longer that I am staying alive the more grateful that I become.  Thinking about sleeping with my brothers girlfriend raises the question about my loyalty to him and his vice versa. The questions that go unasked are a reminder of a life that could have been.

I am that self absorbed asshole that everyone was warning me about. It is funny that I can not change my opinion or anything about this but you should know that life is hard. Don’t talk to yourself as if you had multiple personalities as it is extremely bad for your health.

I think it only takes a few people to really believe in something in order to make it happen.


If there ever is a worse piece of shit than me I would like to meet him so that maybe at the slim chance we can become friends. Sobriety is so awesome. You can spend all of your time imagining what it will be like the next time you get fucked up. I don’t care very much that things don’t make sense.


Sobriety is going to cure the homosexuality out of me. I know that I am making a mistake somewhere I just can’t tell where it is. People have the strangest beliefs but this is what I feel is going on right now.

I have a serious foot fetish for females. If there is a provocative photo showing a woman’s feet I literally start salivating. It has to be a woman though, even despite my rumored bisexuality. Sometimes I get a similar sensation running through me about sucking some guys cock. There is no explanation for this, it just is.

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