What I have discovered is that there is a possibility that some people are using love as a weapon. It disgusts me to the core of my being as it takes away from normal people having the chance to live lives that are worth living. This is purely speculation although my instinct tells me that I am on the right track.
I guess that I have truly gone mad. I’m not sure how long I will last in this fragile state of mind but I do not believe that it is going to be for very much longer. The patience that I have had for the end of time is dwindling and I am thinking that I can force this event to take place with a certain quickness that is unnatural.
I just finished the first round of Botox. This is ironic that the state has to pay the bills for this treatment and I am supposed to feel guilty about this. My adherence to the law is only matched by my motivation for wellness.
I never realized just how much I dislike using marijuana. On paper it seems like the ideal drug, although for whatever reason I just can’t get my body not to reject it when I ingest it.
She was a complicated person although the depth of her complexity would not be apparent to me until much later. There were years that I questioned her motives and I knew she was wondering about me. However, I can not find much that would lead me to believe that she was the evil person I was making her out to be. In fact, she was almost the complete opposite. Her beauty was not only physical, but there was a certain energy that accompanied her aura which felt warm and inviting. When you meet people who have these distinct energies, they are definitely hard to ignore. They are so captivating in fact that they can trick the mind into a pattern of thinking that seems inescapable.
My own desires have somewhat clouded my judgements and my ability to perceive clearly this persons character.
They wouldn’t give me the answer I wanted so I had to come up with my own. Unfortunately it was an answer that was not really accepted so I have to work even harder to find a more suitable one. I will let the time pass until there is sufficient evidence to allow me to proceed with whatever it is that I am doing.
When life hands you everything you must surely still want more. It is easy to forget how to be grateful, but it is also just as easy to forget how to be selfish. The lack of selfishness would make the world an ugly place to live in, and although I have little proof of this, I consider it an accurate speculation.
There were so many things that I tried to tell you but you just wouldn’t listen. Now that things have had the time to manifest them self in the world, taking a step back to look at those things which you have worked so hard to achieve does nothing but piss you off. I am so fucking angry at the fact that I can not live life a certain way that now I have to bend over to receive what is being given to me.
Zero Sum Life
They wanted me to be loving and accepting of all people. How I was so but they just could not foresee what was going to happen. There have been many examples that led me to believe that change was coming but yet I failed to intentionally seize that opportunity. All of those moments where I hesitated will come back to haunt me as I will be assumed to have always taken the less than favorable path. Those things which can not let me go are so selfish and self motivated that they will stop at nothing to prove their innocence to me. This happens to be a zero sum scenario and someone is making sure that it stays that way. I want to stand up and defend the belief that this does not have to be a zero sum scenario and in fact it should be the other way around.
I have become an emotional and financial burden to those around me. I’m tired and the happy, joyous moments are sparse. It would have been nice to go on with success but my mental health is severely compromised.